The Feeling of Being Present
The Feeling of Being Present
I’m wrote this in my journal last night in bed when the house was finally quiet after a rambunctious Christmas Eve…
Earlier tonight we finished Christmas together here, in our new holiday home in Spain, and my heart felt ready to burst. It was the kind of night where the table stays set long after dinner, candles burn all the way down, and no one feels rushed to be anywhere else. And all I kept thinking about was how rare that feeling… the feeling of just being present.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about giving a lot.
The kind of giving that feels almost invisible while you’re doing it and heavy with meaning once you notice it. Nothing material. Nothing fleeting.
Tonight, “giving” to me looked like time, something that’s also been on my mind a lot due to some unfortunate circumstances in my family and family’s of close friends of mine. It all boils down to recognizing that time is a blessing. Long, unstructured time. Conversations with loved ones without agendas. Laughter that doesn’t need to documented, or recorded, or posted.
For a very long time, I thought giving meant doing, giving, and producing more. That’s our glorious American mindset is it not?
MORE MORE MORE.
GO BIG OR GO HOME.
And for a long time I equated generosity with exhaustion. I confused love with overextension.
But tonight reminded me that the deepest form of giving is presence and presence requires restraint. It asks you to slow down enough to notice what’s already there. To not fill every silence… to just BE.
I realized that giving isn’t sacrificing, it’s allowing. Allowing yourself to receive the moment as it is. Allowing others to be seen without trying to fix or improve them. Allowing joy to be quiet.
This year has asked a lot of me. It’s stretched me in ways I didn’t expect… professionally, emotionally, internally. And maybe that’s why this Christmas felt so grounding. It didn’t ask for anything. I praised the time I was given.
If there’s anything I want to carry forward, it’s this: giving doesn’t have to deplete you. When it’s aligned, when it’s honest, when it’s rooted in presence, it actually gives back.
Tonight, giving looked like being here. Fully. And that feels like enough.
Merry Christmas & Merry Everything from my family to yours xx
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XX Idalia