Why We Need to Rethink "Calling People Out"

Why We Need to Rethink "Calling People Out"

Imagine waking up and seeing your name trending.

Not because your skincare routine went viral, or because you just dropped the newest Nara-Smith style recipe, but because a post, a clip, or a comment spiraled into the kind of viral chaos that no publicist could ever clean up. Your notifications are on fire… but not in the fun way.

Welcome to the 2025 version of the digital firing squad.

We’ve all watched it happen… creators, authors, brand founders, even moms on TikTok. A single misstep, often lacking context or full understanding, gets spun through the algorithmic outrage machine and BOOM they’re public enemy #1 before you can whisk your matcha for breakfast.

But seriously, can we put the BS aside and just be real?
We’re all just humans. Humans that now share our thoughts, opinions, life on the web. And as humans… we do mess up.

And lemme be super freakin’ clear from the go: accountability matters, and accountability is KEY. But when we create a culture where there’s no space to make a mistake without fearing total career ruin (and with no room for conversation or repair) we lose something essential: growth, reflection, and basic compassion.

I’ve Seen Too Much

Since the beginning of the creator economy, I’ve been in the trenches with talent. I’ve worked with major names, behind the scenes and out front. I’ve seen what “cancel culture” looks like up close. It’s not just hashtags and think pieces. And I’d be bold enough to say that more than half the time, the person doesn’t honestly deserve it.

It’s DMs like:
“You should lose your kids.”
“He’s only with you for the money.”
And yes, one particularly charming message I personally received:

“You and Nicky Hilton deserve to die.”
(The crime? A post I made at an animal shelter event in NYC which I happened to attend with Nicky.)

Seriously? a death threat because I posted with a half-blind dog I was considering adopting after my beloved Sandy Loo had passed?

We’ve turned accountability, a healthy and necessary force, into weaponized takedowns. The the cost is high for everyone, not just for the person on the receiving end (though the mental health toll is real… anxiety, panic, PTSD, isolation).
But also for the people doing the cancelling… the burnout, regret, moral exhaustion from being constantly angry and “on watch.”

Let me say this clearly:

Thinking critically doesn’t mean destroying people, nor does it mean humiliating someone because they believe something different than you.
If you want the best for that person (ie, growth) let me let you in on a little secret… growth doesn’t particularly happen in shame. It happens in dialogue.

There are of course the blindly obvious exceptions in the world that deserve outright cancellation (ie, Hitler, KKK, child pornography, human trafficking, etc etc).

The vast majority of the cancel culture however lies in this weird grey.

Thank goodness though, we’re noticing a shift toward conversation over call-outs.

Creators, audiences, even brands are waking up to the damage done. The energy is shifting toward conversation > cancellation, and it’s about time.

So the next time you're ready to call someone out online, take a second and ask:

• Do I have the full story?

• What’s my goal here? Am I calling them out, or calling them in?

• How is my negative comment going to affect the situation in a positive way?

• Would I want this mistake to define my whole career?

And when ya really want a mental exercise, try the “If you ain’t got nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all.”

Would you appreciate randos on your pages criticizing every damn flaw of yours? NO. That does not contribute to your growth.

And if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of that chaos, just know you’re not alone. I see you. I’ve been you. And I don’t believe one human moment defines who you are.

So if you’re ever wondering what/who I stand for? Know I stand WITH YOU.

YOU: with your imperfect self that sometimes may “get it wrong” but aims to do better.

YOU: with your life experiences that have shaped how you view and go about the world.

YOU: when you’re at your highest, and when you fail.

YOU: when I heavily disagree with you.

YOU: when I’m your #1 girlfan.

Let’s build a culture where growth is possible, not punished.

I wouldn’t want one mistake to define me.
And I sure as hell wouldn’t want it to define you.

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XX Idalia